Lost without a sense of direction, all i did was give up. No use trying to find a way out when where ever i turn, all i see are just walls. Maybe someone out there could help me by giving me directions, or at least a map with distict landmarks on it. I could help myself after that. Damn where are those people?
Age is not an issue. It's all about saying the right things. I'm very surprised at the fact that the lady at the information counter knows exactly what i wanted to know! Is she a mind reader? I wonder. Maybe she's seen me and analyze me top to bottom. Then made deductions or inductions or assumptions, whatever you call it, and agreed that yes he is a lost kid. Well lady information counter, thank you so much.
Browsing, searching, waiting desperately. Where is that stupid bell? My status is still good. I am appearing on 300 screens, but where the hell is it? Irritate me cause i needed someone badly. I couldn't wait till tomorow cause i know by then, i'll be having this feeling that will linger for a long period of time till i find answers to my questions and doubts.
Obvious? Yes. It's on purpose. Well why is it then? Cause i want people to know that i am serious. But are you sure? That is a question i've been dodging for a long time now. Are you sure it's worth your time and effort? Well, yeah i guess. Well, for your information...you're losing.....
.: LeMaS DaLaM KeRiNDuaN :.
Years ago, i came upon a crossroad. I had to choose between a shortcut and a road which i knew would be hard for me to cross. I choose the second path. Now i regret. There is no turning back. There is no reverse gear. Im stuck here.My past become my lessons. I have broken down so many times. I have broke as many. But life goes on. I don't dwell. I don't sit and think about it. I just go where the road leads me to. People think it's wrong. What's wrong with going with life? What do i get by sitting down and thinking about what i have done when i know there is no way i'm ever going to change what has been done?Sorry if i have ever hurt you in any way. Sorry if i have done you wrong. People make mistakes. I'm after all still human. I am no superman. I have done mistakes. But why must you bring it up now? Why must you make me as an excuse to not go on? And what have i done to you that i deserve so much from you?Whatever i have said are true. I have lied, but not feelings. I have acted my way out many times, but again not how i feel. To think you thought it was all a lie. I don't get money if i got you. I don't get fame if i had you. I don't get the world if i own you. I just get a sense of happiness, and that's all. So please, i don't owe you any explanation for what i have done. You are not my superior. I don't have to answer to you.Time has past me so fast. So fast it made me realised that im losing more than im gaining. I think i have made up my mind. Now i have realised how people feel towards others. I have changed, if not, at least im trying to do so. During my time alone, i have seen people past me by. During this period, i have thought of how life would be if i stayed to one. My life is in a messed now. Rejection? No i don't take it as that. It's just what the future brings to us. Happiness? Should i move on? Or should i just get stuck to first gear with my legs on the pedal? I can't move back. Not now. Never.She makes me smile. She makes me laugh. She makes me think. She makes me wonder. She makes me cry. She makes me go the extra mile. She makes me care. She makes me anrgy. She makes me happy! She makes me want to change just for her...I'm happy with what i have now. I'm happy with what ever situation i'm in. I'm in love with someone. I'll wait. I'll change. I'll do everything i can.... just to love you....: MeLt Me WitH YouR SmiLe :.
Seconds became minutes. Minutes bacame hours. Time wasn't on my side. It was against me. The passing trains didn't help me either. All i wanted was to leave the place knowing i have it with me. Knowing that im going to win. Knowing what i wanted to know all this while. Call it force or threat, i wanted to know everything. Every single thing. But at the end... what do i know?
A smile is just a smile. It's more dangerous than a picture. Even with different perceptions of what a picture is trying to potray, you can't change a picture. It stays that way. Regardless what comments you made, it will never retaliate. It will never respond. It will never ever say a single word.
Each time i see it, it just makes me melt. Like heat to ice. Something inside me says i'm ready. But the voices reply with screams of rejection and abuse. Lost. I need directions again. I need a source. Am i ready to do it? Am i ready to take it on? Am i ready for her? Am i?
Confessions made. Hard to belief what was said. Hard to belief it was even mentioned. But secrets we were keeping. Sercets that we kept. Secrets we should have told each other a long time ago. Secrets that were meant to be released from the bag.
I'm falling for you... i've fallen for you..
I'm scared of it... But i'm looking forward to it...
I love you.. but never will i Say i loved you.. cause i want to keep loving you...
.: SmiLeS YoU GiVe MaKeS My Day aNd i LooK ForWaRD For The NeXt :.
Blinded by the light. A sign i couldn't see. Yet it is there, just in front of me. From miles away i could see, smiles, laughter, hugs and kisses. Is what i'm seeing an illusion or is it reality? That i can't judge cause feelings overcome the rest when decisions are suppose to be made. Being bias is not fair as feelings guide you to consequences you never know except the almighty.
Alone together. Side by side. A certain aura around which only people who are inside the circle can feel. A feeling of thrill but confusion sinks in. Voice at the back of the head starts to chant things you don't want to hear. Then another voice overshadows the first. Now, how many voices do you want? Who should you follow? Shut up in there will ya!
Scared of falling down to an unknown pit. Darkness fills around you. Silence is what you hear. No one is there when you shout. Another burden? Another load? Just another object to play around with? I want to carry that load. I want to carry that burden. Im starting to fall to that pit. Cause it's all linked now. It all comes back to square root one... i love her...
.: Please tell Me its true :.
After many attempts (seven to be exact) I have finally made it here safely thanks to my brother. A shout out to Zephyr Reaver, many thanks! Now that I'm here, the friendster blog which I have been using too pollute with thoughts (which people still can't understand) will be deleted. So if you need a bedtime story, you can always bookmark this page. I will try my best to come up with something close to JK Rowling or Tolkien if that's what you're into.
Since it's the first entry, just wanted to say yes i design the background and no the girl at the back is not my girlfriend and I didn't draw that particular picture. I would have loved to linked or at least tag that picture here but i couldn't find the source. But either ways, i still like her very much. Her name is Mia by the way and again no i did not name her! I use her pictures in many of my designs. Don't ask me why. I don't have an answer for that.
I had friends who 'complaint' that my previous blogs don't really make sense. And the best part is when i asked them what do they think of it, it comes back as assumptions they made and it's always wrong! I did it on purpose because it's really just for me to know. A way of saying "oh you mean that!" But like i said, if you need a translation for my entries, just shout cause i did it once for Aisyah and i think she understood it. Five different stories in just one entry! Yes it's true!
I'll try to make more sense out of my blog like what i'm doing now if it helps some people out there. Just for the record, i know my pictures are very misleading. People actually think i'm the very 'emo' type but really i'm not. I'm just potraying another side of me that people don't know. Something like a split personality. That's why it's apiz and not Hafez. Hafez is just crazy. Apiz is a little more or might i say much more mellow compared to Hafez. Take it like as though I'm talking as a third person. Makes a little more sense.
.:HeR SmiLe LiNgeRS iN My MiND:.
