I've just realised how fully packed i am now. My commitment level has reached it's maximum to the point when i can't accept anymore of it. There is just so many things i want to do and have to do but it all seems to clash with one another.
I'm busy with drama now which will last till mid July. At the same time i've got to settle down the new members for Ethnic Drums. The new members look reliable and i got myself a sidekick. Yes my sidekick is called 'BatGirl' and yes im 'BatMan' that's a no brainer.
I've decided to 'runaway' from CAP and MCG for the time being as i know i cannot give my full commitments there and i don't want to dissapoint anyone. Besides SLAs (formerly known as CCAs) i've got work and yes work is fun and tiring. Tiring due to constant laughters!
Other than that, im doing this video or might we call it a short film for David my facilitator. I initiated the idea but he's there to support me all the way. Let's pray i get a good team line up and the video is a success. Stefanie asked if i wanted to join this revolutionary youth thing and yeah maybe im up for it as well. But oops, look at my schedule!
I rather be busy than sit around and do nothing. I want to change stuff. And yes Aisyah i easily get bothered by stuff but this stuff that bother me always become my inspirations when i work! My ideas come from this 'disturbing stuffs' to me. Thats what my next video is going to be.
Now lets see what must be done first. I don't know where to start!
.: iS She BaCk To HauNt Me oR To MaKe Me HappY :.
Work has been really crazy. I thought i was the only crazy one there, then i realised how many crazier Hafez there are. Its like you take me and clone 8 more, mix with with a little gene from a patient from Mental Institution and there you have it. My working place.
It brought back good and bad memories of course working at the same place. I still make the 'Tanglin Mall' frappe for everyone. It still rocks of course except the fact that its now coffee cookies or something like that. The menu has changed alot and the system is killing me!
Let's just say i love working there now. Ive been eating alot too! Yes alot! So now im going back to work after working full shift yesterday. I swear i felt my legs killing me!
.: She DeSerVeD MORe :.
"Your Boyfriend Sucks"
You're better off without him, don't call him...
He's breaking your heart.
He's hanging with your best friend and your waiting there,
It's tearing you apart.
He lied to you a thousand times,
When I was there he kept you waiting.
And I'm still here waiting there
To catch you if you fall.
I don't know why I care so much
When I shouldn't care at all.
Finally got the nerve to tell you
How much you mean to me you said that I was your best friend,
A real sweet guy, but that's all I'd ever be.
I've just realised that im fully packed. Im busy. Again. I love this. I think its better then lazing around. But i will put some time off to at least breathe. Meeting my buddy who i have not seen for quite some time. Haha.. Yes Aisyah..
.: Who WaS That :.
It came as a surprised. All of a sudden this smile came upon us. A smile we all recognised, and what came between us was a glass panel which felt so thick but yet so fragile. The eyes wandered off focus awhile to look for the other side of that happy smile. And again it came as no surprise. Curiosity was the other word i was looking for to fit this whole scenario. Could it be the one that she was refering to all this while? Could it be? Questions after questions but no answers to my questions that link to other questions. My lost? No. Definately not.
It has been days and it feels so long. I don't want to sound so crazy about but yes i have to admit i sort of miss her in a way. But i guess its better this way. No more mixed up crazy thoughts and no more off beat lame things to talk about. But who would ever know what had happened, will happen, did happen.
I'm just tired of facing reality. Tired of commitments. Tired of lazing around. Im just tired as a whole. So kill me.
.: WhO WaS ThAt? :.
Had STA camp yesterday. Wouldn't say it was the best camp that i ever attended but i had one of the best groups with me. My first impression of the class, Die ah confirm damn boring, then when we started our nonsence, it all turned out quite fun. We played games and more games and yes my team won the best 'Ad-remake'!! We did an ad-remake on Bud Light. Don't think anyone has seen it before but i think it was the coolest with 74 votes!
After camp went to eat with my classmates. Was funny cause we kinda acted like mat and minahs and civic center. I guess not we but me only. Funny event happened which i wont say what cause i thought it was the most coolest prank made. Quote, 'just kidding!'
Went to work today. It was fun. Mat and minah port. Everything has changed so much. I forgot where competition was. But anyways, i think shes cute. Hehe
.: WhY DiD YoU LeaVe Me :.
School was as usual. Open laptop, connect VPN, download problem statement, listen, and listen, and listen, break, go class, do work, close laptop, see gig, go pray, go back class, present, UT, then that sums up the day in class. (leaving of course the details)
Went to watch this beautiful musical at NUS and yes it was very good. I didn't even sleep (or try to at least) during the show! There were 10 of us. Shivani, Azu, Irene, Gurmit,Wan Cheng, Sean, Jo lyn, Shanna, Natasha and myself. After the end of the show, the one thing i remembered, Freedom and Liberty.
Went for supper after the show and went home. Tired. Sleepy and camp later. Yes ah!
.: HuG Me :.
yes. im back to the place again. Everything has changed. from system to layout. One thing though stayed the same. its the smell of the room upstairs! the room with the mop. man i hate that room. and also the chiller. no i love the chiller cause its so damn cold. No wait, its not called the chiller, its called the cold room. i think.
I still remember certain stuff. i feel like as though im am attachment and not a newbie! thats what you get for being a so called strong person back then in the past. but either ways, just give me two weeks and ill conquer the place again like how i used too. Call me corky or anything but hey, i did it before, i could (try) to pull it off again this time round.
so here i go again with my houdini acts. Im sorry if ill be missing and appearing once in awhile. i guess its best for you guys. but hey, feel free to stop me if i drift too far. im always free for you.
.: i MiSS HeR :.
It's a Wednesday. So like all Wednesday, it's time to head on out with my buddy Aisyah. We met up at around 9 plus at City Hall and headed straight for a quick bite at Polar. Yes i realised that when i go out with her, we practically stuff ourselves with food! Saw her younger sister who was also hanging around CityLink area.
After consuming that Cheesy Crab puff or something like that, we went to the esplanade hoping the library would be opened. The library wasn't opened cause it was still very early went we were walking around. Im still quite surprised im there at time like that. So unlike me. But theres always a first! We decided to not stay around and walk to Marina Square which was oppposite. To no surprised of course, most of the shops were still closed so we literally window shopped.
But today was one of the funniest days i ever had! I was dressed quite formally just now with my coat. Don't ask me why i was wearing that cause i don't have an answer. Every shop we went to, the staff would go "Hello, welcome" So polite. And all the staff in every shop we went to was so polite. Too polite. Now i know what to wear when i'm going shopping!
We went back to the esplanade to catch our breath cause we were walking and walking around aimlessly. Tiring but fun. We read books. No, actually i was reading books. Aisyah was tired. She looked really tired. Hungry like hell, we went to Raffles Place to grab a bite from burger King. It was the first time i was there cause i've never seen in during the day time! Oh yeah, the person beside us was breast feeding. Yes, but Aisyah, i was uncomfortable about it! But anyways, we walked around more. And more, and yeah, i kind of remembered that i went out wth her last year to Clarke Quay. We were thinking and thinking about why we met up dring that day and also what we were doing together at Clarke Quay! I still can't remember why we were there! What we were doing there last year?!
It was time to leave her. I had to go to school so i guess that was my last outing with her. Hopefully not but yeah i'm guessing it will be the last cause i'll be busy doing something else that i wont mention till i can claim something first. But Aisyah, i'll get that top from Top Shop when i get my pay okay! And i'll get that ring for you too! Okay? Oh yeah, by the way, Aisyah and Me got a new trick, we go up to a jewelry store and act as if we want to but something. Yes people do entertain you!
Was in school and went for the Poly Forum interview thing. The questions were tough but i guess i did pretty well. Then i headed off for my drama Tea Session. It was hell in there but i won't go into detail about it cause there's just too much to talk about it but i'll tell you what happened after the party.
VeeJay, my wonderful friend from Drama wanted to take a cab home. So being her darlings, we tried to hail a taxi from the side of the street but to no avail. And yes we resorted to even seducing drivers with our 'hunky' bodies.
So after trying so hard, we decided to head down to the MRT station to get a taxi from there. There was VeeJay, WanCheng, Su Rong, Sean, Gurmit, Irene, Jolin, Wc, Maddy and me. Did i miss out anyone? So i planned to scare the taxi driver. I told tem to back off and let me go and ask the taxi driver who was waiting at the taxi stand if he could take me to Bukit Merah. So i knocked on the window, he wind down the window and i asked him. He say yes but his expression was quite shocked. So after he agreed to my request, i called the others! And so they happily came by and i mimed out as if countings the heads of people who are 'boarding' the taxi. He was looking at his rear mirror and i swear he thought all of us were trying to board the taxi! So we started laughing and Vee Jay entered alone in the taxi.
When we were in the train, i messaged Vee Jay about what the uncle said about us. The uncle thought i had just landed from some flight and that he thought i was going to whack him and was thinking if the other taxi drivers in the queue would help me! Do i look that fierce?!
.: Aisyah! LetS Do iT aGaiN! If i Got CaSh tHaT iS HeHe :.
Its a Tuesday and I swear I forgot what I have coming up next. I think history might just repeat itself if I dont do anything about my schedules. I might as well drop all SLAs (formerly known as CCAs) and hang around since Im almost done with my CE points. Is it just me or is my life full of clashes? I’m still wondering for months now about this strange pattern. Lets hope this clashes fall out soon or hell will break loose. For this, I’m taking a long break. Why dont you guys try to imagine putting yourselves in my shoe?
Each time Im free, I just feel bored. Each time im busy, im mad! I need something to kill time. I dont really enjoy sitting around doing nothing. I rather move around than see the world pass me by. Like for example, I was walking around the school the other day, than this girl just smiled at me.
My friend asked me, "Why do you like her? I thought you hated her?"
Well, I did give a reply, "She gave me a smile. Not just any smile but a real genuine smile"
Its just strange. The smile I give appears from no where. Magical is the word Ill use. But done with that story, Ill get on to more important stuff. I was with my buddy at Civic Centre checking out people. You should have seen the girls face that was in front of me. Ive seen her before in school but she was practically staring right at me, for no apparent reason. No I wasnt dreaming. Do people need to give a reason for looking at others? I think I better start doing something about this single hood thing. I love being in it but it dies quickly. I think you know what I mean.
.: SomeTiMeS i TrY To LiE to MySeLf :.
Just realised i've been breaking up with someone for almost 5 times already now. See how wonderful my relationships have been! Actually not really, we are just playing around. I seriously dont know who started the 'lets break up' joke. But its fun to be playing around like that cause it lightens you up. But come to think of it, i seriously want to settle down. Any ideas?
Did grafitti today with my friend Yoyo. We did it without a clue of what we wanted to do but the overall look of it was quite good. Not the best design there but i thought the whole cartoonish feel was cute. Correct me if im wrong but aint grafitti a freedom of expression? Ill upload the pictures over on my multiply site soon, when im not tired.
Todays a tiring day. Miss someone alot. Yeah shes someone really special. Shes my mum! Who did you thought he was?!
.: MiSS HeR :.
I might just fall for you...
.: Time heals :.
Name 21 people you can think of right off the top of your head?
Dont read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 21 people.
Ready, Start!
1. Aisyah
2. Nanie
3. Raheem
4. Kak Liyah
5. Jonas
6. Darren
7. Kai Lun
8. Fadilah
9. Huda
10. Zul
11. Fatin
12. Salbiah
13. Mira
14. Rusydi
15. Danial
16. Azhar
17. Nana
18. Ming Je
19. Mike
20. Liza
21. Shaun
THE QUESTION
1. How did u meet 14?
Through Aisyah. Same interest.
2. What would you do if you never met 6?
Then i wouldn't have a Fee Faan family member, smoking and bomb buddy.
3. What would you do if 20 and 9 dated?
Liza and Huda? Hmm most unlikely unless of course they are...
4. Did you ever like 5?
Jonas? He is my friend since secondary school! Secret gay partner! Haha.
5. Would 4 and 10 make a good couple?
Kak Liyah and Zul? Hmm.. Both are boyanese! And both are cool! So i think its possible!
6. Describe 8:
Fadilah is my friend who i met in Delifrance. Now shes in the same school. Shes fun and cute!
7. Do you think 13 is attractive?
Mira? Yes she is.
8. Tell me something about 7:
Kai Lun. The Fee Faan family member who i think is the most low profiled amongst the rest.
9. Do you know any of 4's family?
Kak Liyah? I know her younger brother and her cousin!
10. What's 21's favourite idol?
Shaun. Not sure. But he listens to dance if im not wrong.
11. What would you do if 18 just confessed he/she liked you?
Ming Je? I'll kill him! Haha
12. What language does 20 speak?
Liza. She speaks Chinese and English. Always English to me of course.
13. Who is 9 going out with?
Huda. I don't know.. Maybe i should Know...
14. How old is 16 now?
Azhar is 19 this year..
15. When's the last time you talked to 12?
Salbiah. I think it was during the SLA fiesta in school.
16. What is 2's favourite band?
Nanie listens to Ska bands. Maybe Gerhana Ska Cinta?
17. Would you ever date 10?
Zul? No way! Im straight!
18. Would you ever date 12?
Salbiah? Haha.. Someone would kill me with shock. But could try. Shes cool.
19. Is 15 single?
Danial is attached to Kartini i think..
20. What is 19's last name?
Mike? Ive got no idea..
21. Would you ever want to be in a serious relatiobship with 11?
Fatin? I think i almost did with her back then. Shes nice to be with so i guess it would be crazy!
22. What school does 3 go to?
Raheem. In the same school as me. Was from Jin Tai.
23. Where does 17 live?
Nana. Stays at Woodlands!
24. What's your favourite thing about 16?
Azhar? Nice guy to be with. Ex classmate
25. Have you seen number 1 naked?
Are you crazy?! Shes my best buddy! Haha
This was 'stolen' from Kak Liyah's blog. Hehe. Macam style ahz gitu!
.: YeS i Do :.
Finally its the last day of SLA today. Honestly, i think we did a good job even though it was a little messed up here and there, but still it was good enough for my standards at least. I don't really care what you think cause everyone did make an effort.
Went to return the costume with Shaun at North Bridge road. I swear i was feeling tired. George my current twin brother, called to ask if i wanted to join him and Pris to the esplanade. And so after much thoughts, we decided to join them. I made a deal to come again with them the other day so i guess it was better to go.
We walked to the esplanade all the way from Lavender, technically, and after reaching there, pass the 'close to death walking experience', i realised that we had actually walked for 40 minutes. Talk about losing carbos the hard way.
We went straight into the Jendela. And saw familiar faces. Jahan the artist Agnes, Patricia the esplanade people. I met up with some more familiar faces and the opening. Met the host of the MTV Voting Party and also my contender who lost to my 'Macarena Dancing'. They still remembered me which was a good sign. Talk about knowing people for the 'right' reasons. Now let's talk about the food.
There was alot of 'high class' food there. And i swear we were free loaders there! We ate and ate and ate. And yes we ate. We were literally fed by the waiter there. And there you have, dinner on the house! And yes, i'm obsess with that tomato cheese thing which i think was the best served. Hey no it was salmon, no cheese and tomato, eh no! beef thailand, eh no! aiyah! so many too choose! hantam only!
.: EaCh DaY I tRy to HiDe HoW MuCh i MiSS YoU :.
Lost for words to express how i feel. But what ever happens or happened, i love you...
always...
.: PLeaSe STaY :.
The next song lyrics im putting up is a song from the band called 'Muse'. The song is called 'Unintended' from their album 'Showbiz'. Do check it out.
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
First there was the one who challenged
All my dreams and all my balance
She could never be as good as you
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
Before you
.: EveN ThouGH HoW MuCh You'Ve HurT Me i StiLL LoVe YoU :.
Reckless is the best word to describe such an action. But with such a reckless attitude its still confidence that brings you forward. You may have the guts to pull of such a stunt but if your confidence is that of a kid who just started to ride a two wheel bike, then I advise you stay home and weep.
It was clear where I was going. Fast, smooth, close to death each time a turn calls in. But didn’t I know it would be that close. The light was green. It was bright and clear for all to see. Maybe it was instinct that told me that I couldn’t make it but I’ll try. So I tried and failed obviously. I knew the brakes couldn’t work. I knew that I couldn’t depend on it. I knew I was either going to make it alive to do this entry or die there wishing I was never there. All I could think of was to stop. Just stop.
This isn’t the first time. And I don’t see it as the last time. Escaped I have not but a chance I rather call it. Please appreciate what you have before you loose it.
.: PreTTy cLoSe EnoUgH FoR Me To ReaLiSe :.
When all we see is history behind us, we wished Einstein was still alive and the genius God had given him would inspire a creation of a time machine even technology now could never beat. Everyday as we see the light being consumed by the darkness that surrounds it, pray that tomorow will bring us a better day.
How i wished that each day would be better but never will it be as this is called life and not heaven. Problems either take us in or makes us a better person. Never will there be a day without judgement. Either paths will decide our advancement to an unknown territory waiting for yet another practice of sacrificial suicide.
Each time the temptation arises from beneath, the heat around increases to temperatures beyond limitations. Such desperations leads us nearer to the cradle of death without us realising how much of damage has been inflicted on our weak bodies. Crawl towards the light if you can see it and seek the door of forgiveness before it closes on you. The key to it is locked away in another room where the key is thrown into a barless prison of darkness.
Let the stream flow on to heal such broken souls and save those who are drowning in their own tears of shame. Where should we hide when all we see is just bare land with frequent mirage of happiness being flashed right in front of us. Like a wound which only heals after being hurt again, the need for cover is important as jealousy becomes the weapon of destuction for such hearts. Now leave mea lone as i bleed with animosity amongst people who live their lives to the fullest but get nothing in return for such happiness. I smile as the rush of adrenaline enters the veins which words in a dictionary can't describe such a feeling of enlightenment. May all be blessed with such sorrow.
.: WhaT CoMeS OuT NeVer GoeS iN AgaiN :.
Boredom was slowly filling up inside. Fatigue was there to make it worse. Inside me, i swear i heard someone screamed kill her! Empty screen in front of me .I scrolled down to look for a source of entertainment for me. Entertainers also need their form of cheap thrills once in awhile. Then it popped out. No it did not pop out, it blinked. Happy? No that's not the word i'm looking for. Excited is the more appropriate word here.
I had to leave before the screams get any louder than it already has. It was something i was willing to do. I had to meet her again. It's my only chance, and the only time i can find out if we still had something. I guess the distance was already the hint of it. It was an answer to my question. It was obvious. Even a kid could see through it. But then again, who cares...
.: i LoSt WhaT I NeeDeD MoSt iN LiFe :.
When Distance Becomes A Factor
I am falling in love with her now. Yes it's Mia. She's one of the subjects i can use to experiment many forms of expressions and yet not get screamed at. I've decided with this title.
It's 11 pm now. I'm having this really bad flu. Since morning just now. So now, what have i done the whole day today? Good question asked. Well, i was out the whole day that's for sure. And yes, i'm feeling sick and tired. No, really! I'm feeling sick as in 'i need to go see a doctor sick' and tired as in 'i need a rest tired'
I met Aisyah in the morning at Dhouby Ghout if that's how you spell it. It was early, around 10.30 plus minus. She's like my 'Wednesday shopping partner' if that's what you call it. But here's the catch, she does the shopping. Brought her to this eating place near NAFA. Honetly i don't really know where the place is but i know how to get there. Ate nasi briyani and yes, it was really worth te trip.
Went over to the national library to seek shelter from the really hot weather and also i just needed a book to read when im free. Spent a few hours there i think. It was nice just lazing around looking and browsing at books cause that's the only few times you kind of get away from looking at computer screens. And im still wondering who drew the famous art piece 'The Scream'.
We headed to Bugis Junction which was beside the library. Walk around for awhile then headed opposite to Bugis street to walk around more. We went in circles thrying to find a bag for her but really, i guess we were spoilt for choices. Went back to Bugis junction to walk around MORE and yes, that's the point of time did i realised that we have been walking around alot! But either ways let's just finish up this story.
And yes we did not stop walking around. I asked to to follow me to North Bridge Road which was a 'walkable' distance away from Bugis to look for this costume shop. We found the shop and yes i found the costume i wanted for the Drama CCA fair thing. Brought back good memories. Surprise you guys next week!
After all the commotion, we went over to Beach road. No wait! We were suppose to head back home but no we did not. I asked her to play bowling since she has never bowled before. It was at textile center if i'm not mistaken. Played two games. I beat her the first round, and she beat me the next! She's good! Bloody hell! And she said she never bowled before! Pool next week okay! The scores ah? Don't tell you!
So it was time to go home. I was really late for a meeting and she was suppose to go home. So we walked all the way to Lavender. Now this was the fun part. We went to Raffles Place, Switch trains, bounced to Marina Bay and switch trains again. We were like idiots runninng around! And so yeah, we got on the train. I was on the way to Woodlands while she stopped at Yio Chu Kang. We broke up in the train and that was really sad. "Aww.." Bluek! And the best part was the train stopped at Yishun! Thanks lah eh Aisyah.
Went to school and met up with Huda for awhile, really just a cameo' to get back my sweater. I rushed off for drama meeting and ended around 7 plus. Went over to Causeway point with Shaun. Maddy and this year 1 kid. I had my ears pierced! Haha. I'll show you soon. But anyways, the scene at Causeway point was really retarded. I just realised how bad i am. I mean i know im bad i didn't know i was that bad! So the end of the day has come to an end. This my friends was one of the better days in life that i had this week. The week hasn't ended so i'm looking forward for days to come. And yes, today is a really long entry i made on purpose to proof that i'm not so emo lah. Please lah.
What was my first impression of her during our first unofficial meeting at the door? Well, in my head I was swearing and cursing. All I wanted to know was where my friend was. Its not like as though I want you number or anything. And honestly, I didnt really had a clear shot of your face and how you looked like cause obviously it would be ridiculous if I did that.
So it was orientation day. I saw you again! This time I found out that you were a friend of a guy who I was just acquainted yesterday evening at McDonalds. I didnt take notice of you and your friend cause I was busy trying to establish myself a partner so I wouldn’t be stuck there with boredom. That was last year…
Now a year has passed. You have become a good friend to me. A really good friend who can tolerate my nonsense and Im glad you could handle such rubbish. In fact I’m surprised. You have always been there for me to abuse. Now kids, before you all jump to conclusions and make some fucked up unjustified assumptions, abuse here means she has always been there to hear out my problems. Every time. Sometimes I think she knows me to well.
I cant really say who this you and she is cause I know people out there would start stalking her with questions you already have answers to and start mocking me about my habits you know I wont change just to make you shut up. Lets just say I love her a lot as a friend. And never will I do anything to jeopardize it. So is this Wednesdays shoe shopping still on?
This is a picture i grabbed from the net. Yes she is the girl on the right side. Her name is Mia by the way. I love her. That explains why i use alot of her in my designs. Don't ask why. I don't know either.
.: i MiSS LoViNg HeR :.
This is a picture i grabbed from the net. Yes she is the girl on the right side. Her name is Mia by the way. I love her. That explains why i use alot of her in my designs. Don't ask why. I don't know either.