Was suppose to go back to my former secondary school today but I was just too lazy to go entertain anyone today. Sorry about it Marzee. I would have loved to meet everyone especially my ex classmates but not today. So I ended rotting at home. I'm jobless, aimless, stressed, pissed. Sheesh...
So before I did really rot at home and stain the floor with my blood, I went to accompany my younger brother to the hospital for a check up. So here's the story. His classmate poked a straightened paper clip into his ear in the name of fun (oh you should have seen the expression on the doctor's face when my brother told him a paper clip, explains why he had to be really specific and say straightened paper clip)
Don't kids have other cheap thrills in life besides poking people's ears with paper clips? I've got suggestions. Why not poke something up the ass and at the same time try getting an orgasm?! Sick? Cause I'm dead frustrated. So thinking ah maybe the 'specialist' has the answers to all our queries and a ear demanding extra attention, the 'specialist' happens to be just an average Joe look a like. I swear if he weren't in his scrubs and a name tag on it, I could imagine him in the wet market selling vegetables. For everyone's sake, get that bloody 'S' word off the door and just place 'A Doctor' instead.
I just feel that I should just blog about how professional this Joe is (Let's call him Joe from now on) So my brother entered the room. Joe asked "So who's Fahmi?" I know I dress like a mat and look totally different from my brother but do I look like someone who would want to follow a friend to a hospital if I wasn't his brother? I would only go see a doctor with a friend but surely I know I can't go with the person into the room if I wasn't related!
So Joe checked my brother's ear with this thing with super bright lights and goggles that seem to function like mini telescopic lenses to see what's happening in the ear. So my brother told Joe that the nurse from his previous visit to the hospital told him that there was a hole in the ear membrane. Joe said after scanning through his ear and cleaning it with some vacuum cleaner, "Where got hole? Who say got hole? Most holes will just close on their own"
What the #%^&*!! You're supposed to be the S!! (pronounced as ASS) SPECIALIST. Give a more structured comment for God's sake. Use those hard to understand Specialist line! If I knew it would have been like this, I could have just used a torch light, look into my brother's ear and say "Kepale otak kau. Maner ader lobang?"
When he said that line, I was so tempted to say "then you looking into his ear not hole ah?" Lucky him I didn't have my voice with me. Or I'll probably laugh my ass off in the room. So thinking maybe Joe was the only poseur around the hospital, the people at the counter too were a total S! We were given specific instructions to give a slip to the counter but the counter woman didn't even know what was going on! And she kept insisting we had a slip with us that was given by the doctor! Hey lady, can't you get it in your head that all we have is just this piece of paper which you were suppose to look at before I screamed at you. I swear she thought I was on the verge of slapping her face cause I was so damn pissed at her that I raised my voice causing the other patients to go dead silent. Wrong move Hafez but worth it.
Sheesh. Talk about good service. I call that totally not 'S' standard. Go back under the blocks! We took loads of sweets off the counter and I came up with a lot of excuses, loudly, to take the sweets.
"eh your mouth smelly lah, eat sweet"
"wait so long, eat sweet ah"
"you got take sweet already not? Nah take one"
"take. It's free"
I think we took half from the bowl. Who cares? I'm bad. Bluek! So we headed back home after eating at MacDonald at Jurong Point. So the day has not yet ended. I'm still thinking of what to do with the offer given by Rhythm Masala and also what I want to do with my Babies in the event I turn them down. Dilemma. Mummy? Where are you? Sheesh. I need someone to help me do this. Brought the Djembe back and I'm still working on the Zapin beat. I'm still lost in it cause the beats are just 'Malay-ish'. On the kompang, yes, on the Djembe, I'm still working on it.
I'm having problems with my multiply site. Damn I hate this connection. Get the pictures down soon. Once I've paid the bills..
.: ApiZ WaNtS YoU :.
So Mummy and Sharime, the organizers, organized a trip to the zoo. The response from the group? 5 people turned up in total! Ah yes, only 5 people. Naq, Aim, Sharime, Mummy and myself. Sheesh. So I thought, 'ah a dead boring trip' but I was dead wrong. The trip was really worth every cent of my pocket! No regrets (except it rained)
Somebody was really late. Ah yes somebody. No names. But yeah, so late lor that person. Hehe. Everyone was in a 'really no mood to go' mood and I was down with a runny nose. Ah yes, that non stop sneezes into the blue towel in the bus. So I figure if the flu took me in, I would probably flood the zoo.
Everyone got really excited at the entrance of the zoo. For god's sake! It's just the freaking entrance! Oops, actually I was referring to myself. It has been like hmm... counting, counting ah yes about 5 years since I last been to the zoo? And God has the Zoo changed a lot. No new birds and monkeys running around but the whole look of it. Some things were still the same but in general, I love the look!
So equipped with cameras, my monkey voice, the 'seems to be falling legs', and loads of crazy thoughts in us, we ventured the jungle, literally. I'll probably be uploading the pictures in my multiply site soon. Click here. Ah yes
here. I'm just dead tired to talk about the experience. One word to describe the ordeal, wonderful.
So went back to school for percussion ensemble. And yes were my babies really good today. Now, that's strange. There played much much better today. What did they eat? Sheesh. Unhappy? No! I'm definitely shocked! So shocked I swear I wanted to just sit and groove to them. That was how good I think they were! Very proud daddy I am! Love my babies loads!
.: WhaT EveR HappENeD iN tHe Zoo StaYs iN tHe ZoO :.
I'm down with a flu and an eye everybody would love to have when their running away from a date. No, not beautiful hazel coloured eyes. More like blood shot red eyes. Running away not attending one.
I've just realised how lazy i can be. So today I'm in charge of the store. Ah yes, I'm the boss. Good thing and bad thing. Good thing is that I get the call the shots, bad thing is that whatever i do reflects alot on my attitude. I hate paper work and I definately am lost about Z transactions. Sheesh. All that in just one day?!
So I won't go on any longer now cause this flu thing is really getting on my nerves. Hell I can't even type without wetting my keyboard. Oops..
.: I WaNt YoU :.
Larissa Cafe. Ah yes. Nothing more than that. Just Larissa Cafe. I say you all should look for the place, and tell me what you think of it.
So I'm off from Delifrance. NO SCHEDULE for me?! Arghz! I'm dead bored at home and shit I was supposed to be working my ass off during the holidays. All thanks to that bloody fever. Sheesh, people can't get sick nowadays.
So the week's plan..
Zoo on Wednesday.. and what the hell comes after that? Sheesh...
I'm going to help Vieda out so yeah, probably burn time doing that. And sheesh... she looks so different.. Sheesh.. So cute...sheesh.. im blushing my cheeks off...sheesh...
.: I ReaLLy tHinK So :.
Blogger is currently very unhappy and in the 'shit i hate this' mood. Feel free to call him if you want to cheer him up.
.: LeT's Go :.
Having a terrible headache now. Not so sure why but it's getting to my head. Oh yeah, ain't headaches at heads? Ah you get the idea. At Grandma's house now. Had no mood to blog yesterday due to the fact that I had nine different MSN windows with nine different topics and nine different priority levels. I seriously need to know how the hell girls can multi task. Do they sell girls hormones at pharmacies?
I shall call today 'let's all get ourselves drunk on food day' and LAGODOF day for short. So I ate in twice in the morning, thrice in the afternoon and twice at night. No, I'm not talking about taking lil bits and pieces of food here and there and neither are we talking about snacks, am talking about major heavy meals that can last for a day kind of food. And I still wonder why can't I grow horizontally? It's either that metabolism thing is working to well or it's just that I let go more then I take in. Either way. I might just be a 'foody'
So besides food, and more food... I'm busy trying to sort of my mess... sheesh..
.: A CLuE PLeaSe :.
Things you ought to know about me.
1. I've got major mood swings, especially if I haven't smoked the whole day.
2. I get cranky if someone disturbs me when I'm really tired or tensed up.
3. Redbull makes me active, and extra bitchy too.
4. I hate people who get in my way
Just thought I fill you in with a few points about me that you should take note off. Cause I really hate getting mad at something especially if it's just a small matter. But I think I've improved on my anger management class. I used to a hot tempered guy who reacts recklessly, making stupid decisions when I'm mad but I guess now it's much better. Thank God. I think the only time I got really mad at something/someone was back in secondary school. But I forgot what it was all about. Probably about my ex girlfriend.
Speaking of which, I'm starting to question myself about the life I'm leading. Questions after questions. Eh hi! I want answers! This is worse than taking the O' levels cause I was busy playing pool while people were mugging for the exams.
Can someone please answer this question for me. No marks rewarded though and definitely no prizes for the best answer but at least something. Just answer them
1. Why is it that when you want to commit to someone, no one wants to commit to you?
2. Why is it that when you want to just play around, someone wants to commit to you?
3. Why is it when you want to stay true to someone, that someone doesn't want to, but when you are trying your best to cover that shame of rejection and forgetting her, she comes back to haunt you?
4. Why is it that people don't say how they really feel and what they really mean?
5. Why is it that when you're there, no one is, but when you're not there, everyone comes by along?
6. Why isn't anyone listening?!!!
.: I waNt You :.
Today's the last day of the semester. I hate saying goodbyes, that's the reason why I never participated in any of my class videos. Sorry guys, but I've had enough of goodbyes. Let's just slip it away. I'll still see you guys around in school.
Go Go Power Rangers...
Waa Yakkk...
We ended up taking 'flying' pictures while doing our work today. Was quite fun to be jumping around especially in funny, outrages poses. I swear the second picture looks like me shoving my feet into YoYo's ass. But it was still cool.
Had percussion ensemble after school today. I think today's session was one of the best, better, sessions we had till now. Everyone was having fun, especially me when I asked them to run around playing games, and tensed up when I asked them to come up with a 3 minute mini performance for everyone to see.
The group's dynamic is actually very good due to the fact that there are all friends from the start and that everyone is happily going lucky. Easier job for me. I had a 'shit, what am I suppose to say' briefing with them, followed by, 'alamak you all play first I think of what to do' game and lastly 'thank god that idea struck me' mini performance.
When I see them, they remind me of me when I was back in ethnic drums. So playful. No sense of discipline and always in my own world. I guess experience changes people a lot. I've gone through hell and back again and thus I'm like that now. Thank God there are still rules in the world or I'll start killing people.
I hate the holidays now that it has already started. So many work to do though we have all the time in the world to do so. I think I'm losing it already...
.: I NeeD ThaT DoN't DiStuRB SiGn :.
I'm getting more forgetful by the minute and day. I think I need to have this 'what to do list'. I'm in that 'I've got no mood to blog' mood today so I'll leave you guys with a song lyric. It's by Tenpenny Joke titled 'She'.Saw her sitting on the corner
With her feet down in the water
And no one ever helped her
And no one ever taught her
For such a lovely daughter
Couldn't be more lost in water
With no one to believe in
She will get inside your head
She's the waves inside your bed
Saw her sitting on the corner In her masquerade
Saw her sitting on the corner Black ran down her face
She will get inside your head (Like the wolf travels through the snow)
She's the waves inside your bed (Where the wind travels she must follow)
It's so much darker in the sun when you run
She will get inside your head (Like the wolf travels through the snow)
She's the waves inside your bed (Where the wind travels she must follow)
Girls get their monthly dose of fun. Well, so do I. Except I don't have to wear thing extra on me but it's just that I get really cranky when it comes to times like this and I this lazy syndrome keeps running for quite some time. I've got no answer to that question just in case you're asking but I came up with this theory though. One, it may be due to the fact that your surrounding is adapting to you and not vice versa. Two, well admit it, you've never been hardworking from the start. Either theory, certainly not scientifically, it has got to stop before it spreads to others.
Well I agree with Fadilah/Fadeeee that I get mad when I'm at work. Well nothing new of course but I'm alot tamer now I guess. Thing I got the genes from my dad. Can't be nurture cause I'm brought up with very patient parents, and I'm still abusing the system, so it has got to be nature then. No more of this debate cause we all noe it will never end but brings us to one question. How do we know what is what.
Had to drag my feet to work today. Was suppose to go for a checkup but I was just too tired to go for one. The 'higher people' were pissed at the fact that I'm hardly at home which is true and that I'm not spending time with the family. Can't say I can do much about that point cause I don't know where to begin. So I ended up reaching 2 hours late. Surprised at the fact that the handphone was pissed silent. But I figure they to are not interested to know.
"Gasak kau lah nak. Asal kau bahagia"
Work was a little too slow today. We clocked out at 10.25 pm. Eh hello, we close shop at 9 pm and we took freaking one and a half hours just to close the damn shop! Well, let's just put it as we were all plain lazy and in the 'ah fuck it' mood. Think someone with that remote control pressed 'slow motion' on us cause we were really that slow.
Slacked around as usual and ended up taking a cab with the two Khai's. Ended up at Bukit Gombak and continued my journey with the train. I really miss my MP3 alot though I think I've got a gadget every kid on the block wants to have a hold on too. I rather have a music stuck in my head than go around shooting people and killing them with a chainsaw while the police are busy chasing you around when you're holding a rocket launcher and vehicles which ram people at about 80km/h if you can actually measure speed. Hey, now that sounds more fun than being some emo head.
Ended up coming home late. Was suppose to be chatting with my new found friend now Lyn but seems like she didn't add me up online. Now, where could she be. But anyways, I'm looking forward to the holidays so I can sleep a little longer than the usual.
.: ThErE yoU HaVe iT :.
The following entry that you're going to read is going to be the most vulgar, still indirect, entry you will read to date. So if you think it's you than that's not my fucking problem. You assumed it yourself.
Work today was a total bitch. I was working in the morning shift. I usually don't function as well as in the afternoon shift cause firstly I'm not a bloody morning person and secondly, I don't know the menu (though it's bloody easy to memorize) that well to say I'm capable without auntie Lilian around. So I was teamed up with Khai, auntie Lilian, Auntie Dora. Yes. And that's it. Four people fighting against a never ending war with customers asking for slaps in their faces and crew members who fucking jam the counter and I become the fucking scapegoat for all the shit you fuckers do. And please, go call a doctor if you want to complaint. Don't come giving me that 'Puss-in-boots' look and expect me to come lick your cunt and help you out. If you want something from me, ask. Don't come beating around the fucking bush like some Bollywood movie and expect me to be your hero when I can't even save my own ass.
We are all tired and fucked up about this so save me the ranting and your insides of how you feel. Well, guess what? I don't like it if people try to suck up so that they can get something in return. Well fuck off. I don't work that way. I work based on legal trades. I give you something, you give me something in return. Simple. I do my own fucking business, you mind yours. Don't come running to me trying to do my work then fucking complaint. Well, screw the way the system is treating us. It wouldn't be called a system if it wasn't screwed up, it would have been called heaven for the matter of fact.
So thinking the day couldn't be any worse. Got slapped in the face again. Well this time must do extra work. Eh hi, I what? Your fucking slave? I get paid for doing certain things during certain hours. And maybe what he said is true. Now I'm the fucking new target. Before I get really mad and really start throwing boxes around the store someone's got to stop this mess. Screw you if you're not happy with my mouth. I say what I want to and you can't do shit to it. And yes, I get vulgar once I'm pissed. Not cause I ran out of vocabulary words, but it's because vulgarities make a better impact. And fuck it, can't you fucking see the difference between me being pissed and just fooling around. Fuck! No one's making a fucking joke here and no one's calling the wolves. So shut the hell up!
Now that I'm done with that, back to the better part of the day...
So I went to Pasir Ris to go see Natasha and headed to her family doctor's clinic which was around her area, just to find out they couldn't do a checkup without my health booklet. Hello, I'm here for a check up, why the hell do you want to know about my injections? It's not like as though I'm asking for a jab.
So feeling rather aimless, we walked all the way to the interchange thinking of what to do. She wanted to make up to me cause I came down all the way to the other side of Singapore just to find out that the doctor didn't want to do the checkup. So we walked and walked and walked. Reached White Sands shopping center. Headed to the library to grab a book but her tummy was saying 'help me' (that's what she told me)
MacDonald was the only place we could think of and afford. I had my sandwich inside my bag from work so I was munching on that. Daniel (her cousin) and Lynn (this girl who likes me) came to join in with us. My impression of Lynn, rather quiet. My first impression of Daniel, alamak this guy 'gerek' lah. So we ended up talking shit till 9.30pm cause he had to go to work and I wanted to head down home. The journey back home was a really really long one. I don't know people can actually survive such torture of just traveling for long hours. I would probably die.
Thanks to her, she made my day. She made me smile. She made me laugh and that is all I need to make my day a good one and something to think about in future. She's like my mummy cause she always says
"Don't be a big baby!"
Well, I love cuddling up to her and telling my problems. What's wrong with that? She's nice to me. Well, at least she cares...
.: tHe LOnG tRiP BaCk :.
If I were to do this in secondary, I would probably be the 'out-standing' student of the term. Since this past few weeks, I've been..
1. Skipping classes but still going to school in the afternoon for CCAs
2. Sleeping in class
3. Sleeping during people's presentation
4. Sleeping during my OWN team's presentation
5. Slacking around school when I ought to go home to rest
6. Salvaging my own ass at work
The list goes on. Just realized how many 'S's' (pronounced as asses) there are in the list. I could add more to it but I figure I save you all the trouble and myself too on figuring what other stuff starts with the letter 'S'. But seriously, I need to do something about it before it gets out of hand.
I think I'm officially into overdrive now. No, not that Wayne Robson thing going at the esplanade but more like overworked myself. Think I've push myself beyond the limit. I need a pitstop. Or maybe not, better if you could get me a garage I can rest in for quite sometime to collect a little dust.
Will be going for OBS this coming 28th August. It will be a 5 day camp at Ubin. Haven't paid up so I Don't really know what's going to happen. Feeling a little lost now due to the stupid bus ride home. Off to sleep now. Be good and take your drugs...
.: She MaKeS Me MeLt SoMetiMeS :.
I've just realized that my links to other's blogs are all messed up. It's not arranged. It's wrong. It's just.. messed up. Shows how disorganized I am. Now I think I need a list of 'what to do' when I'm feeling pissed bored. Maybe rearranging it could be one of the many.
I came to school today at 3.40 pm, just for the UT (understanding test) My school doesn't have exams like other polytechnic which I think have it's own advantages and disadvantages. One disadvantage would be you would probably end up like me, ultimate slacker of the least slackest (erm if there's such a term)
Word has it that Rhythm Masala is coming over to my school to conduct lessons. Ah yes those world record holders. Click here for more information. Here. Ah yes
here. I'm not actually very excited about it. Heard alot of stories about them and also they made this rather 'fishy' deal with the school which I cannot accept. Why should the school buy drums and put it in their studio and have the students go there? Now, that's not right. But either ways, I'll just have to follow what the boss says.
I ended up at KFC again for the obvious reason. That KFC girl. Ah yes, I think she has finally took notice. Now, just one more day and I'll get her name. Shoot! Now I sound desperate. Okay Hafez, snap out of it! Back to something less straining for the brain.
Percussion Ensemble will be having a very important performance in November for NEA (the people who still owe me $200) Question is, are we up for it? Pretty nervous cause firstly, I just started learning it. And secondly, musically inclined? Erm, maybe not my forte. There is the interest for it but not my specialties that is.
Speaking of which, I miss my old members of Ethnic Drums...
the guys...
the girls...
Preparing in school before performing at NLB's opening...
Heads up...
.: WheRe iS it? :.
Reason for not blogging yesterday? PSP
Reason for being sleepy? PSP
Reason for being late for work? PSP
Reason for my painful eyes? PSP..Not! More like contact lens
Thanks to Natasha/Nicholas, I'm officially addicted to the PSP. I think I'll get one after I'm done working my ass off in Delifrance. She loan/traded the PSP with me for my useless MP3. I say it's an unfair trade but she's fine with it. It's only 3 days but I'm enjoying my time with it.
No school today though I wished I had school. Went to work with my painful 'what the hell is in my eye' eyes. Went to Botanical Gardens to take care of the bags for Kak As and Fadee. They went jogging, something I should pick up really soon cause I've not been 'physically abused' for a very long time. Explains why I'm so weak. I think no, I just like a little attention. Blush blush.
I was out with Zul yesterday night. It's been a long time since I went out with him. Met this really really cute 'minah' at KFC. I swear if I was in the best of my 'flirt' mode I would have probably said 'Eh Hi' to her and asked for her number. But honestly, even how flirtatious I can be, I never did asked someone I don't know on the street for her number! I just don't have that much courage to go ask someone for her number. I did it a few times but it wasn't for me. It was for my friends so I'm okay with that. Even if they reject it's not my lost.
I'm going to post this question to all girls out there. I'm just curious. Let me give you this scenario me and Zul came out yesterday night. Won't mention names though. Boy is close to girl. Girl is close to boy. Then boy met another girl. Then boy became close to this girl. Then leaving first girl alone. And she's not close to boy anymore. So what exactly is happening?
Mummy has been reading my blog ah.. ah baru tahu
.: She MaKeS Me ConFuSe :.
As I sat there thinking how fast life has past me by, the silence grew louder as each second ticked. The cold stare we gave each other made me realized one thing, how much we have been through together. Endless unnecessary fights we used to have, fun moments that we wished we could pause for just a second. Leave me alone I say. Words sharper than a blade pierced into a heart. Go away. Don't turn back cause you know I won't return even though how much I wanted to. Hatred will never be in the books and neither will I use as an excuse to leave. Silence will be my weapon from now.I was late for school today as usual. For my punishment, I had to work alone. My answer to that, seriously I don't mind. So I did my work alone for a few minutes then Christel came in. She joined me by default. So we ended up with a couple's team today. I liked the idea cause firstly I can work OTOT (own time own target) and secondly there would be less conflicts.
We ended up with a pretty good presentation though she was sick and I was dead sleepy. I took my 'Garfield' nap and this eye didn't help much. Another red eye. I think I need that 'red eye removal' function for my own eyes.
The characters I made thanks to South Park..Went to work after that. Work was pretty much relax cause it was a Monday and also the manager there was my previous 'anything goes' manager so go figure. As I waked towards the MRT station from my workplace, I remembered how pathetic my life was when I was with her. Was I that gullible? How could I have fell for that. She makes me think a lot and especially at a time like this when I'm very free. I tend to think a lot when I'm free. I need to get back to being busy...
.: LooK BaCk :.
Don't bother about my previous entry. It's a little messed up cause I did that while I was in my 'doink-iest' moment of the night. Explains the structure of the entry. I think I should not talk to people online if I'm a 'high' cause it tends to become more of a 'let me tell you the truth' session then the usual daily chit chat sessions. That my friend, is dangerous especially if you're talking to someone you've known for quite some time.
I came in to work 2 hours early cause I wanted to make it up to Fadila in a way. She was working with Dora in the morning and I know how it feels to work with her. No offence of course, I'm not saying she's bad or anything, but an extra pair of hands won't harm. AB, the main guy, has went off to Thailand for a well deserved holiday.
On the way to work, I suddenly remembered Mummy. The previous Mummy that is. I remembered Lala. I do miss her as a friend of course, and she too can crap a lot but we did something that made me go 'that's what I'm looking for, motivation'. Don't go jumping the lagwagon now, we did nothing 'illegal', but what we did was rather special.
We both smoked, but well I smoke more than she does. So we wanted to quit the drug so I came up with this idea to make a logbook for both of us and also she became my 'saving bank'. At the end of each day, we both have to pay $1 into this bank that she kept and record down the number of sticks we smoked for the day. It was all based on trust and we always told each other the truth. The catch? The person who smoked the least after a month gets to keep the money! We did collect to a decent amount but after awhile, we decided too take out the money due to some personal problems.
I still have the logbook in my laptop...She was my motivation to stop, or maybe it was the money. But either ways, I knew there was a reason for it. There was motivation. I don't see any motivation now. Maybe I did while on the way to work and maybe a little here and there. I need more. I need a reason to do something. But either ways, who cares...
Anyways, someone made me laugh to myself while I was at work. This is what she messaged me.
Shall try my best love. Peluk and cium banyak banyak ya. Sweet dreamsI just found it funny especially coming from her. Okay sorry, a little 'doink' now...I'll leave you with pictures from my workplace. I was bored... I'm starting to love camera phones.
They should change it to staff tips...
30? Car? Wonder where's the kid who left this...
Close shop already...
.: ChaSiNg tHe DreaM :.
Questions after questions, but neither side could agree to an answer. Neither side wanted to give and say that he/she was wrong from the start and let bygones be bygones. As egoism took over, one has to lower down to surrender and raise the white flag before a war breaks out between two people who were once known for their love towards each other. Why must it be me who has to give in to make others happy when I don't even know how to make myself happy?
Believing in Karma is one thing, using it as an excuse each time is another. Before a conclusion to every problem, people start pointing fingers because of assumptions that they made while observing what is happening right under their noses. Well in my opinion, why not look first, question each action that happened then make a correct justification. That way, it helps you from starting a misunderstanding.
Silence doesn't mean being troubled by something. Silence doesn't mean agreement to what has been said. Silence doesn't mean that there was intensity before that caused this after effect. Silence meant the constant thoughts of how to make things from wrong to right. Silence meant deep thoughts. Though silence is gold and the answers for all problems, breaking a silence is sometimes better to make the people around you less worried.
Repetition may be good if it doesn't bore you easily. But too much of a good thing is not so good as it seems. Things change for a reason. Things that are too constant become to peaceful. Though peaceful, nobody knows what lurks around the edges. Something may just be waiting. Someone could be watching. For all we know, it takes two to clap. Mixed up with the previous with a combination of random thoughts that after looking back, it becomes more of a history lesson than a normal blog. Remind me about being tired...
Yet again, random pictures...
A Canon Still Camera.. I want this...
Fadee & Apiz a long way back...
MTV voting party at Zouk...
.: I NeeD MotiVatiOn :.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not committing suicide and neither do I have intentions to do so (though this emo thing is getting to my head really quickly) I'm coming up with a 'the things I bloody need before I surrender and knock myself in the head till I enter the institution for the mentally retarded people who can do things but just don't want to do it' list. A pretty long name for a list but you get my point.
so after much revision of the list, I've decided on a few things that I want/need by the end of the year. Well you see, I'm the kind of person that needs motivation when it comes to things like this. I'm still finding a motivation but I just can't come up with a valid reason to do so. The list is not in order.
1. Get a motorbike license
2. Get a girlfriend
3. Get a new wardrobe
4. Design my room
5. Have a child
I was kidding on the last point. The list goes on and on but I think I'll go for this first. Go slow then whack all the way to the finishing line. Let's pray I won't be busy cause I just got a hint from someone saying she wants me back in Drama. No definite answers to that but I'll think about it.
I came school at around 12.45 pm today. Went for prayers then slacked with Raheem and his classmates. He went to class while I went to the library to do my own stuff. Tried to burn time while waiting for someone. Ended up lazing around the cafe and this was what my friend told me which made me think about it for quite some time,
"It's been a long time ah bro we slack like this. And especially you cause you always have something on after school"
Have I been that busy? Was I always 'missing'? But now that I'm free, I want to enjoy this moment for awhile before I do my Houdini act again and at the same time try my best to not die while doing it.
I was not in the 'let's party and get laid tonight' mood but Drama had a post production party at Helmi's house (my Director) Being me, I wanted to surprise Natasha but I ended up lost at Mariam Walk, so I had to ask for directions. So much for my 'Eh Hi' at the doorstep.
The party was a little boring. Actually it was very boring. The main people weren't there so go figure. I left early cause I had work the next day and I can't afford the 'shit I need sleep' mode. I was hoping I could stay but I'll pass on this. Maybe next time then...
Now just random a picture.. A little colour..
My adik angkat Ferra...
.: sHe waS tHe ReaSoN I WaS TheRe :.
It's that time again of the month when I feature a song I've been listening to. It's by this band called
Drysdale. Go check out their myspace. Click
here and you get there. Check them out. Really cool band. I would say there are like our local hero band called
A Vacant Affair. Same genre. Emo punk is the genre I would say for the song that I listened to. It's called
Not For You so do check it out.
Not really in the best of moods to go blog/bitch about anything now so I'll leave you with a picture. I found it at the back of the school. Ah yes, the uncompleted graffiti work I did on the hoarding. See, it was actually placed somewhere in the middle of the school previously, but now it's near the site where all the construction workers are having their fun. A little colour to their little town.
It's been spilt into two so that explains the 'gap' in between. As yes, the name apiz and fee faan on the sides.
.: Hmm WhaT :.
Addiction never felt this good but I guess it's getting a little overboard. No, I'm not talking about drugs or anything near that line, more like this genre that seems to be the 'in' thing now amongst the youngsters. Emo. Simple three letter word which is short for 'emotional' but it's getting to my head. I'm not being emo, trust me on that, but I'm addicted to the songs that are emo related in that sense.
I've always been a pampered person by nature. Pampered as in 'manje' pampered not I get what I want pampered. That's not pampered, that a spoilt brat. I like cuddling up to someone and I miss those little cuddling sessions I had went I was in Drama. So if you see me cuddling up with someone, I'm not doing anything stupid with her, more like making myself cozy. Get the picture? People close to me know how 'baby-ish' i can be, it's more about tolerance. Learn to tolerate with big babies will you?
The only time I became really 'lost' and regretted my life was earlier this year when I was 'seeing' someone. I wouldn't say I was dating her cause we were not but she was somehow like my girlfriend. I remembered her telling me,
"we are in the stage before we officially say yes to each other"
Then things couldn't work out between us. Things went really wrong. There weren't any fights but a lot more of the future if we ever we together. I was busy, so was she. I had a lifestyle she couldn't except and neither could except hers. She loved me, but she didn't want to hurt me. I read my previous post about things that happened in the past. I regretted a lot but now I've moved on. Guess things will never be the same again between the two of us.
I went out with the gang just now to watch fireworks supposing but it turned out there weren't any today. We had to come back tomorrow if we wanted to see it. Ended up eating at Carl's JR. Please don't eat there if you have eaten a meal before. Cause, it really makes you full. Like really full.
I don't know what else to say. I'm just lost now. I miss someone really badly. Shit! Knocks head! This is a picture of one of the regulars who visits the store every weekend. His name is Kobu and yeah he is only 4 years old. Cute little guy.
.: SHe waS tHeRe wHeN I NeeDeD HeR tHe MoSt :.
Been there, done that. I feel all Daddy-ish for this past few days. Been giving out free talks, so to speak, to people who were willing to listen to crap worse than what you hear on radio stations nowadays especially Howard Stern (this guy who talks about sex 24/7, it's not local though)
I'm starting to sound like my Dad at times and it scares me alot. Maybe it's the genes or maybe it's just influence. Comes to the famous debate of Nature versus Nurture but then again, this ain't no debate session to see whose lines can be 'begged to differ' (Up till now, I don't see any sense in debating in expressive English cause after all, it's just a quarrel with a little bit of class to it)
Skipped UT today just to find out it was postponed to another day. Received a C, A, B for the previous UT's so I figure I miss this one for waffles at Gelare with Fadila. I'm not a waffles eater to be frank, in fact I'm not as 'westernize' when it comes to food but once in awhile will do no harm on this skinny body of mine. If you asked me, choice between prata and pancake, I'll go for tosai. Eh wait, ain't in the option but nevermind, you get my point.
There was this 'half price on Tuesday' thing going on. She bought a large waffle with 'chocolate overload' on the top while I took 'cookies and cream' as my butter for the bread. Got to admit the waffles did make me full. As in really full and the ice cream was more than butter. It was Strawberry Jam! Everything was cool except the whip cream which tasted quite bland, or an easier word for that, tasted like Shit! (I swear I never tasted one before but if you had tried it, tag me)
Went to work after that. Work was quite a drag. I don't know why but it became more of a burden than something to look forward to. Honestly I don't know why. Can't be the managers of staff there cause I think they rocks lah, I think it must have be the quiet 'where's my customer' scene we had for about two hours. To make matters worse, I was not in the mood to work due to fatigue of course. Think I'm suffering from insomnia if that's what I think it is.
Now, let me leave you with pictures. Cause I'm clueless and Doink on what to talk about. Oh yeah, I have another blog, not really but I'm one of the contributors. Go check it out for Drama related stuff. Here you go Babies.
Drama Republic
I won't go into details about the previous entry. I was mad while I doing it but it's all cleared up yesterday night. No actually it was early this morning at 1 am. But either ways, I'm happy she's happy but I still regretted doing what I did. I don't know why, but each time I have this 'mini' quarrels with her, it's like a dejavu. This whole scenario reminds me of me and my ex. (Don't ask me which one)
It's a Monday. I had this terrible headache yesterday at work. My manager, Khai, offered a ride back in a cab and I continued the journey home after he alighted at Bukit Gombak. I vomited my intestines out when I got home at the staircase. Everything I ate from morning came out and I swear it looked like chopped up cat's food. Just imagine tuna and you'll see what I threw up.
I felt all better after the whole 'let's see who can vomit more' scene. So back to my Monday story. I woke up at around 6.30 am. Did my prayers and set my alarm to off at 8.00 am thinking I'll probably skip my first meeting in class and join the rest after the first break. But due to unforeseen circumstances, the old Hafez had to kick in. It's like as though I have this alter ego in me and this voice stuck in my head.
"No Hafez, you're not going anywhere. Stay at home. Stay at home"
So I went back to sleep and dozed off till about 11.00 am. My mum got really pissed off with me cause I've been skipping school quite often. And if I don't skip it, I'll attend school but I'll come really late. Class starts at 8.30 am Hafez, but you come at 11.00 am. Talk about being early. I had plans to go out with my mum to town to get her a new pair of Hush Puppies sandals but she was busy in school (she's doing this parent volunteer thing) and no one was able to pick up my little brother after school at 6.30 pm. Hearing that, I went back to sleep till about 6.00 pm and picked up my brother from school. He is only in Primary 1 so that explains why I had to go fetch him.
I just realized that I spent a lot when I'm bored. So I picked up my brother, went to Jurong Point, had a plate of Beef Hao Fun with him (if that's how you spell it), got food for the family and came back home. Did my evening prayers than I went out again to go get groceries for the house. I practically took everything off the shelves. Pay day was two days ago so I had the money to spent. Bought a new mouse (no not that animal that goes squeak) for my laptop. Bought a bottle of perfume, powder, facial wash thing, and the list goes on and on. I think I need a map for the supermarket cause it took me forever to find the powder section just to find out that the powder I was looking for is not on the shelf.
I was looking at my grades. Could see the devastating drop in them. Got this comment from Amy Khoo..
| I am a bit concerned about you Hafez. You seemed rather listless today, and the past couple of weeks. Is everything alright?
I am aware that you recently had some trouble with the authorities. While it hasn't affected how you're being assessed academically, is this something that is worrying you? If so, I'd be happy to talk/listen. |
Thanks for the concern Miss Amy Khoo. Actually I don't know why I'm like this. Emo week I guess.
.: LoSt :.
Before I go on with my indirect assault/insult to anyone out there who might think I'm referring to him/her, let me just remind you and also myself that REALITY is not just a 7 letter word but it has alot of meaning to it. So I've decided to rip off the actually meaning of it to emphasize my point.
Reality -
something that exist or happens: something that has real existence and must be dealt with in real life
So if you can't accept reality, is it my fault? Am I to blame for your fate? Well, let me just paste the memo on your work desk just in case you missed the memo I gave you before. See, I don't plan and schedule your life. I don't decide when you do this and that. And hell no do I decide your happiness. It's all fated and it's really up to you on how you want to take it in. Like it or don't like it, it has already been served and please I don't do 'item voids' because apparently I don't have the bloody password for doing so. Oh wait, do I hear a complaint? Do you need a map to go to the headquarters to make your stand agaisnt this thing called REALITY? I'll be more than glad to show you to the door.
See dear, I'm not here to make you happy. And neither are you here to make me happy. (So now it's more direct to the opposite sex. Go figure) Though at times, or most of the times, you make me smile but we don't share a common interest in life. Sorry to say, I'm the kind of guy who will only give in if I know I can afford it. I broke hearts along the way and vice versa but we all have to move along. We can't always get what we want. And now I'm still learning about how to say 'NO' to people and maybe in the process of learning, I could try saying 'NO' to cigarettes too.
I know how much you want this to happen and so do I. You should know me by now on how busy I can get with my work. And I think I deserve a break. I'm slowing down a little on my school work and I've dropped most of my commitments. I want to breathe for awhile. Can't I have that? Can't you just let me breathe. Can't you just let me see life outside this box? I don't want to sound mad and neither do I want to sound crude but dear, I'm really tired. I really am. I just want a day when I can really sit down and tell my friends, "Busy? No not today"
There's always another day. There's always another time. He won't run away from you. And you know I'm willing to help you out another time. But why give me that look? Why that attitude? Why that freaking FUCKED up face?! Why the tug? Why the push? What the FUCK do you want from me? You want me to make you happy? I can't even make myself happy so how the hell am I suppose to know how to make you happy? I don't even know you that well to admit that you're more than a friend. Well FUCK this whole shit and FUCK the people that keep FUCKING around with this shit. Well, FUCK this entry. To sum it all up, you can go FUCK yourself and while you're at it, think of how FUCKED up this FUCKING reality shit can be.
.: SaY WhaT YoU WaNt :.
I was standing in the middle of the Agora waiting for Kelly from Music Republic to open up the Jammerz Arena room to get amplifiers for a performance later during the lunch breakout. Then did it struck to me that I should set up a fan club for myself. Shaun came up with the idea to charge each person, but there are different prices to what you do of course. So after a day, I've thought about it and revised the pricing list.
10 cents - smile
20 cents - say hello
50 cents - start a conversation
$1.00 - hug
$5.00 - kiss
$10.00+ - if it goes way beyond whatever was mentioned above
So if I did apply this charging fee, I could easily at least earn $10 a day. Maybe more if I double charge them but think of the money I can bring in. Talking about list and how to earn money the easy way without getting busted in the ass, Natasha came up with one too but it wouldn't work as well as this. She said to make a list of all the girls who like me and charge them if they want to be with me. It may work if I was Brad Pitt or maybe close to Orlando Bloom but you see, I look more like Jim Samsudin from the P.Ramlee era. So I guess that won't work as well as the new list. Nevertheless, I'm not doing this (though I wished I could) cause I'll probably scare the hell out of my friends and no one would dare come talk to me anymore.
There's this 'thing' going on now that has made Natasha a little irritated in a way. It's my 'emo' week. I've been teaching her how to become emo and also introducing her to emo punk songs just to fit the whole scenario. Just in case there are those out there who don't know what emo is, you could check it up in
here and get an idea of it. It's quite a reliable source so don't worry about it being not to accurate. You could
'Ask Jeeves' or shout
'Yahoo' while doing a
'Google' dance if you still don't like the source.
After so long, I was finally aimless after school today. I was suppose to meet up with Cikgu Rahman to talk about a collaboration for an upcoming event also known as Deeparaya (Deepavali and Hari Raya) but apparently, there wasn't any practice today so technically, the meeting was canceled.
"You of all people got people got nothing after school? Well love, I'm surprised"
My friend couldn't believe it and neither could I. I had to do something so me and Natasha went to Causeway Point to look for a gift for Miss Vicky. I was blind thanks to me len-less eyes so i followed 'blindly' with her. We had a few ideas in mind but like all girls, shes as damn fickle minded like her counterparts. No offence of course but you've got to admit to that statement. Just for the record, though i'm into emo now, i'm not emo. I may look emo but i'm not. it's just that my eyes hurt really bad and i was sleeping in class which explains my lack of attention towards you.
I've got this major crush on this girl. I think she's cute. As in really cute. I won't go into details but that's all i can say for now. Don't want to reveal so much cause if i do then she'll find out i have one on her. Oh wait, isn't she suppose to know..?
.: WhEN SoMeOne TouCheS YoUr HeaD DoN't Be OffeNdeD BeCauSe itS a SiGn He LiKes YoU :.
The initial plan was to just head down to Causeway Point, pop by to see Syafida (this girl I met online who has seen me twice but I've never see her before) go home and do my work. But my plan got really messed up. No I'm not about it, actually I'm very happy about it!
So I met Syafida after Percussion Ensemble practice. She reminds me of Jannah so much from my class. Cute little girl but it only lasted for half an hour cause she was working but enough for me cause I've finally got to see her after so long. Glad to see her actually. Someone I can talk to. At least she wasn't so shy at our very first meeting.
While I was walking around Causeway Point, there was this familiar face in the crowd. Not one but three familiar faces! And they had to scream my name. "Hafez!" I felt really bad cause I forgot their names but now I do. So let me do myself a favor and name them. Nurul, Fida, Fifi aka Fadzly and Sham. I've never met Sham before but the best part is, we were talking like as though we have met for years. As in really years.
Let me tell you a story of how I met them. There are this group of people who I met during this rally thing if IM not mistaken at Suntec. There were from Ngee Ann. I was only in contact with Nurul cause she has my MSN. I never got in hold with the rest. So we were practically laughing and making fun at every inch of Causeway point. I've met them once but it felt like I've known them for years. I'm starting to like the group! And we intend to go out together next week. i'm looking forward to that. And to make the reunion even better, we met another one of their friends, who I met at the event mentioned, in the train on the way home. Reunion completed.
I feel young around them. They are like 21, 22, 22, 22 and 27. I think it was like that but I know definitely after the 20 age range. But nevertheless, I think they rocking biggest time! I'm waiting for the pictures to come in so once I've gotten them I'll definitely post them up! I like this!
Now just a pictures to make myself happy!
.: And You ArE :.
Its a Wednesday. Apparently its called the mid week so I'm off from school today but not work. Went to work in the morning then off to school for a party. Story of the party later but I'll tell you what I did yesterday.
See, I think yesterday was the worse day I ever had. Okay maybe not the worse cause I had more terrible days than this but yeah I had a really bad day for this month. I slept really late for two days in a row. And I had to do loads of work for the next day (after the whole 'lets do a don't sleep marathon' ordeal) So as a decent human being, I felt really sleepy and this red eyes of mine didn't help much but made it more worse. And the best part is I've been walking around blind due to my eyes being len-less.
I slept during the presentation. No one woke me up (except Joe my team mate who had to wake me up at the last minute cause there was a section in the Powerpoint that I was so called in charge of) so I slept like as if it was break time. That was the first time I actually slept in just a few seconds. And I didn't take a nap. I was drop dead!
That aside, I feel so loved. Hehe. Someone out there is so caring. That someone is.. hehe no lah don't say. I guess she's just doing her part as a friend to take the time to nag at me when she has the chance to before I drift all the way to Tokyo and come back to Singapore with 'Fujitsu' as my spoken language.
I sent Mummy home yesterday and we had this really long talk about stuff. Wont go into detail about it cause I didn't really know what I was saying cause I was half gone. We had percussion ensemble before that so I figure it was something related to that. I hope it makes sense though. I always talk 'proper' when IM sleepy. So please take note. And I get mad easily too if IM sleepy.
Today was whacked but I wont go into details about cause it will make me more pissed so we will leave it as it is. Natasha asked for a break up (though we were never attached) cause it seems that from Monday to Friday except Wednesday, someone will pop by her side and ask if we are attached. Though I like the idea of being attached but no, not with Natasha.
I think that's about all I will want to cover today. Oh yeah, I borrowed this book from the library today while waiting for Natasha. Anyone wants a Powerpoint presentation about it?
.: Who iS ThERe :.
Time check. Believe it or not, its 4.15 am in the morning and still ticking. I just came back about half an hour ago after spring cleaning and eating out with the Delifrance gang.
I slept at 4 am on Sunday night/Monday morning cause i was up all night trying to figure out how to sort my stuff. My schedule is packed but its really easy to sort things out. That is if you're an organized person. While i;m not thpugh i wished i was.
Natasha has offered to become my personal assisant in helping me sort my stuff, but at a cost of course. $5 oer week. That makes it $20 per month just to help me sort my workload. Maybe i could employ her if i was making loads of money in the first place. But i'll think about it again. Tempting but i think i can manage since Mummy is doing a well job helping me out in Percussion Ensemble.
I had a major problem with both my eyes in the afternoon in school. It suddenly became bloodshot red and I was forced to take off both my lenses. I was walking around school blond and for that moment, i didnt want to look up cause i wouldnt want someone to say hi to me and expect me to wave back when i cant even see a single thing.
I bought a new bottle of Optrex if thats how its spell. Hope it will work. I asked Fadilah to accompany me to work cause i was blind. Lucky she worked today or i'll probably end up somewhere else.
Went to work and found out that today was spring cleaning day. I was like 'oh shit, i think im going to lie flat' But i guess it was okay since everybody was in the mood to go home earlier. We went to Bukit Gombak after that for supper. There was Kak As, Fadilah, Khai (Khir), AB and myself at the coffeshop. So we ate and we spoke about our days in Delifrance.Time check, 4.36 am.
.: LeT Me SLeeP :.
