5 days and counting...
Oh, I thought it would be a nice thing to just put my own counter to remind myself how long it has been since I took my last puff. Let's see how long this counter thing can last. Hopefully it reaches
two digits. And the
days turn to months. And the
counting doesn't stop... I pray long and hard.
It's 4.32 am now. I woke up from my sleep earlier than expected. I was having a 'leak' in the nose earlier and took an early leave at around 1 am. I really need to work out my sleeping schedule. If I go on like this, I can start seeing C's when school reopen for my daily grades. Why? Cause I'll be late for class each day, that's why.
I could never understand why the facilitators have a problem with me being quiet in class. Yes, I understand the need to 'talk' in
PBL but it doesn't mean quiet people don't do their work. It's a contradiction if you might say. I'm pretty quiet in class, most of the time unless of course my '
doinkness' comes in and then I become so hyper its like as though class was only meant for me.
Hey bro, why you so quiet in class...
Remember Emma asking me. Natasha replied it with a
He's always quiet in class...
I just don't see a need to talk unless there's something important. I don't hate my classmates that's for sure. That would be the last thing in my mind to do. I never liked the idea of civil war. I just prefer to work without making too much sound as its just distraction. And there must be something that strikes my head in order for it to work properly. Something like a spark to start a fire burning.
I stayed at Grandma's place today the whole day. I had a really bad sore eye and the idea of going out with one red eye would be a really bad idea. Sometimes I wonder why I continue to do stupid stuff. I need to grow away from this habit of mind. Maybe its just me, then again. Maybe its not. Who cares. I don't.
I left the place without regret. I wanted to turn back and tell myself, 'maybe there's still hope'. The word maybe doesn't sound convincing at all. It's best for both of us. I'll give you a break from your daily chore. You give me my space to breathe. It's immature but it's the best thing to do now. I rather do something stupid now than regret later that I didn't do anything to try to solve what I started. You said it yourself that it all started from me. So why not get rid of the source. Its better this way. Many times I tried. But each time I fall so badly, it hurts thinking about the next time. You think I don't have feelings. You think it's all about me taking and not giving in. I do think. Sometimes so much that it has this after effect which I don't like at all. I do think of the future and where it brings me to. I do pray to God and hope so much that my actions don't affect you in anyway. He's been nice enough to make me stay. A human would have killed at the thought of what's been happening. I lost something so dear while on the way to where I am now. I lost it. I'm trying to get it back. Searching high and low. But it's no where to be found. Its the thought that counts. But its not enough to satisfy the law. I love you. Yes I do. I'm trying my best. I'm trying to. Please don't lose hope on me just yet. I'll be back. And when I do, I'll put back a smile on your face the way I did to you. Please stay...
.: ThE FaMiLy PoTraiT :.
