I couldn't recall the last time i had this feeling. A mix of thoughts, bad and good, with a sense or paranoia surrounding it. I might just suffer from an anxiety attack. Please smile people cause that's the end of more drama. It looks like as though its retribution of some kind. Karma? Maybe related but i don't see the link. Each day, people take turn to torture me with questions that seek answers. Can you please stop it! i had enough of answering all your questions. Why must i even step up to even face you. I ain't no criminal. I don't need a court session with you to justify my actions. Tell the jury to go home and you can forget about calling the lawyers cause i can stand on my own two feet.
Indirectly punch in the face is what i call it. I can never imagine such a weak punch like that can affect me alot. Is it wrong for me to be commited? Is it a sin? Even if it was, who are you to tell me what to do? I feel my legs giving in. I feel my body shake with anger, not fear. I need to fight back. But should i? Or should i just ignore this pest. My mind is set on one, and only one. You shall see me soon. Very soon. i'll make you eat your words. I'll make you think twice the next time you do such a thing. I'll tear you apart like how you did to me. Call me mad for all i care. I'm dead serious about tearing you down. I have every right in the world to retaliate to people who invade my life. Especially if you're a thing of the past. You're nothing. I had enough of you. All my efforts gone to waste. You don't own me, i don't owe you. Not even a single word of sorry will i utter out again. You don't deserve sympathy.
I feel the distance now. I'm standing on the beach. The wave is at it's lowest. It's not coming back. I don't feel it ever coming back. I just see ripples. Ripples in the sea. That is a rare sight. Each day i feel like i'm losing you inch by inch. Am i. Are the knots we tied or we assume we tied being loosen by us or by people around us. If thoughts had fingers, i think they were the ones who actually did it. Things will never be the same again. You can't turn a dead tree leaf back to a freshly grown gree leaf. No one could ever do that. I need to feel assured. I need at least a gurantee that the wave i felt that day at my chest will come again. I don't want it at my feet. I want that wave to devour me. Let me have a taste of what's to come. I feel pain.
Paranoid. Anxiety. This kills me instantly, if not, slowly. I have not been having thoughts that i should have like any other kid. I'm thinking too much. Too much for such a brain to handle. Especially mine. Problems clock in but they don't seem to clock out. They are working overtime. Since when did problems become permanent residents? i thought they were nomads. I can't sleep. I was caught off guard. I need to prepare to earn what i've lost so far. Please someone help me on this. I can't go on. The load is just to heavy for me. I can't stay alone. Each time i try my best to shake it off, it come backs again like a leech. Where is that fire source.
I asked, i begged, they all gave the same answers. I was houdini. In fact i was better than houdini. Wait, but am i still better or was i better. You've got to play with the words and twist it around you. It sounds different with each word used. I'm sorry. Truly i am. But who would believe? After all didn't i do my dissapearing act in front of millions? is running away and hiding the answer for all questions. Does it solve all problems? Does it even help me. It does help me but not others i guess. I broke you. I tore you. Now i hate you. To think again, no i do not regret. In fact, i'm starting to love this. I'm starting to get used to this attention. In fact, i'm loving being mean. Chase the lights away. Throw away what you have. Leave the crib. Feel it, cherish it, abuse it for all i care.
Giving up is never me. Not in a situation like this. I ain't no quitter, but slowly i'm doing it. No use staying. No use trying to figure a master plan. I don't see the point of it. But, i'm losing alot by giving in to this temptation. I've fallen. Fallen too deep. I can't get up. I just can't. I need you. But not another one in your list. I don't want my name to appear in any of your list. I don't need an alibi. I just need you. Please stay, let me leave you, i'm here hold on, let me wait for you... it's all a contradiction.. a smile which doesn't fit a picture... you're a mona lisa..
.: You aRe Who yOu ARe :.
